It's funny how when you were young, all you ever wanted to do was grow up and live your own life. You had big dreams. You were not afraid of anything... [not even your parents]. All you ever think about is try everything!
How I miss those days when all I ever did was just run around and did everything without doubting myself. I could run fast, jump high, jump far, jump and land right, for that matter. I used to be tough like the boys and was confident in almost anything I did.
TRY NOW! I walk and I'll slip right off the pavement. I jump but I end up injuring an ankle when I land. I'm so bloody worried just about walking towards a puddle of water! It is as if now... every action, every decision, every thought... comes down to me doubting myself. If I was a cartoon character, I'd be Mr. Bean but the one with the most injuries.
Whoever says, "I can't wait to graduate and start working" obviously does not know what they are really wishing for. I was just like that, some 2 years ago. I wanted to graduate fast and was so bloody happy I finished. Didn't take too long before I realized, being a kid beats growing up anytime.
Quarter-life crisis just sat comfortably right next to me and became my best friend. Although, it has been two years since I graduated... I still think about my University days. I think about home. I think about my old routines. How comfortable I was in those routines being at home. Knowing just everything that I needed to know.
It does seem like the longer I am here in this city, the more I feel like I'm losing myself and everything else that I used to know. How the city consumes me and makes me feel like just a tiny dot. [does not help that I am already so skinny]
Though, yes. I do seem like I am having fun attending events, ever so often. It has come to the point where being out at events is the only thing that I know I won't end up injuring myself. LOL! Honest. [Well, only because I've made it a point to never over drink and get drunk. It's demeaning to drink til you're drunk.]
This whole transition thing from being a student, living with family to being an adult and living alone sure sucks balls to the max. I guess, I am finally feeling it lately because I am living alone with 3 other strangers in the house where... I think if I died in my room, they won't know shit until it was time to pay the rent!
I wants to jump and feel le jolt.
You know.. like le Inception.
You wake up le moment you fall and feel le jolt!
Hopefully soon, off I go!