Perfecto!

I drove, I parked, I passed! LoL! Thank goodness, I took the driving test today. Very little people registered to take the test. =) So everything ended super fast. Though I would have really liked it if I could just finish everything in an hour~ Instead of waiting for one person after another.

Was super nervous in the morning, man~ Even my knees were shaking! Watching the people before me drop at the hill and there was one kid who came out shouting cause the JPJ officer scolded him the whole time he was driving. Poor kid but he kept cursing.... sigh~ I guess cause he's still young, he still has so much energy inside bursting to get out. Or maybe I'm just too old already.. get angry also too lazy to do so. Hahaha~

I was like the third last person to have the driving test. Wait until so exhausted just sitting there hoping it would be my turn. The JPJ officer cheat me one! At first he say go "Laluan B", so I repeat.. "Laluan B?". He say, "Ya". So, I was driving towards the turning already and then suddenly he said, "Eh, Laluan A la....". I was like, "????? Tadi you kata Laluan B." Then he was like, "Mana ada... I kata Laluan A."

Walao eh... kacau me mah.. I had to quickly change lanes to get back on the right route. Ish~ Play cheat one! I purposely repeated what he said earlier to make sure. Ish~~ But luckily, he just keep quiet throughout the whole journey. I just drove LIKE A PRO~ BLEH>> SUPER SLOW PRO, baru correct! Hahaa! So tempted to go faster but.. no choice. Better be safe than sorry... Then finito! At the end he just tick everything except ONE! He didn't see I got check my side view mirror~! Ish.. JahatZ

Ok liaw.. pass test liaw.. got driving licence liaw.. now do what, ar? Go driving? haha... I wonder when will I get the green light to drive alone from my mum. LoL~ Mmmmm... Not so itching to drive out either.. I still like being pampered and being driven. =) Hehe~

On another note...

||'~ Your scent is like a drug to me like my personal brand of heroin'~||

Takin' Back My Love

Oooo! This song is fun! Its so upbeat! I'm even tapping my feet to the beat!
Ciara is so HOT in this video!!
Enrique quite yummy looking! BAhahaha!
But I think the music video must have been really expensive to produce.
Enrique broke so many things in the house!!
Ruined swimming pool with stuff~ Such a nice home~
Why can't they just give me that house instead of ruining everything in it. Sigh~ haha!



Artist: Enrique Iglesias feat. Ciara
Album: The Greatest Hits
Title: Takin' Back My Love




Go ahead, just leave
Can’t hold you, you’re free
You take all these things if they mean so much to you
I gave you your dreams cause you meant the world

So did I deserve to be left and hurt
You think I don’t know you’re out of control
And then I’m finding all of this from my boys
Girl you said I’m cold, you say it ain’t so,
You already know I’m not attached to materials

Chorus:
I give it all up, but i’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much but i’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love

What did I do to give us the cue
I’m just confused as I stand here and look at you
From head to feet, all it’s from me
Go ahead, keep your keys, that’s not what I need from you

You think that you know, you’ve made yourself cold,
How could you believe them over me, I’m your girl
You’re out of control, how could you let go
Don’t you know I’m not attached to materials

Too Much

I have too much to do and too little time to do it!! The end of the week is drawing near and I'm up to my eyeball with too many things!! Can't afford to even sleep in peace now.. everything is haunting me even in my dreams. I think I'm just too nervous~~~ HELP~ I need a holiday..... Gawai holiday is coming up and its not even a holiday for me. Sigh~ The pain...

White Goes

I still like white. =) Black is too dull. Its high time I let some light in. LoL!
White and gold is still my favourite.
The end of semester.... tired.....
Can't wait for the hols to come!
Hols hols hols hols~~~

I Won't Even Start

This is a great tune but it is quite sad.
Its nice to have friends who knows the right songs.
I love all Wong Fu's productions. Been watching their vids since 4 years ago.
Have a listen. You won't regret it. =)


Artist: David Choi
Song Title: Won't Even Start
Production: Wong Fu Productions




What happened after last summer
when we broke up in September
I havent seen you, feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts but I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

Chorus:
So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I won't even start
I won't even start

I wish you luck and I wish it true
Thats the best I can do for you
Cuz you'll probably find love
In someone new, I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it'll cut me like a knife

(I don't understand the part when she cried..... Any thoughts people?)

24 hours

In less than 24 hours, I'll have to step into the hospital.... I like watching Grey's Anatomy but.. our general hospital looks nothing like it nor feels like it. Our general hospital looks creepy and weird. Not a place you would actually want to be sick in.

The year 2009 is an amusing year. Too many changes and apparently I am doing a lot of things that I don't actually do everyday. I don't actually step into hospitals everyday. I guess that is good. Do not have routines~ Routines are too safe and it keeps you from taking risks. I guess I have been playing on the safe side for far too long.

Anyway.. HOSPITAL... BLEH.......

Misguided Fear

Since young, I learnt that most of the things I REALLY want, I cannot have. I learnt it the hard way. There was once when I was 11, I wanted a dress I saw in a shop. I told my mum I wanted it. Mum let me try it on. I really liked it but mum said “No” and passed me a different dress. I kept telling my mum I wanted the dress I picked, my mum kept saying its not nice. No matter how much I told my mum I liked it, her decision was final. I cried so much after. LoL!

Mum’s choice is always the best, no? Unfortunately, I saw everything in a different light back then. I withdrew back so much after countless 'NO's from my mum about the choices I make or the places I wanted go.

My mum has been so protective of me and my sister since we were young. She picked all our clothes, she makes most of the decisions for us and we mainly stayed home while my brother gets everything he chooses and gets to go out anywhere he wants. I always thought it was unfair to have a different level of freedom.

So, I grew up being really protected and resenting it. Whenever I’m out alone, I felt the sense of freedom even if it was just for a few hours. I would take long walks alone near the school to the parks, the museums, the amphitheatre and sometimes I would even just walk to Waterfront. That was towards my later years in high school.

As a teenager, I feared rejection. I hated the word ‘NO’. I never could accept the word ‘NO’. I would end up withdrawing myself into my own space. My clever head told me, ‘DON’T EXPECT, DON’T ASK, DON’T TRY’. That way, I would not get rejected or have the word ‘NO’ slapped across my face.

Subsequently, I tried to expect the least. I feared asking or hoping for anything much. By doing so, I could avoid as many ‘NO’s as possible and then face less disappointments. Imagine that, I feared even to ask for anything from my own parents while I watched my brother asking for everything and getting them. For years, I felt so jealous of him.

That was my mistake. I felt so jealous of him but I never did anything about it. All I did was sit there and be miserable. I just watch my brother get everything and all I could do was hope that things would just fall on my lap. Sorta like hoping for a miracle every day just because I didn’t dare to ask for anything.

Apparently, even as I grow older I still have the fear of asking for anything... even for help. I feel helpless all the time and yet I don’t dare to ask for help. I rarely call friends because I fear of whatever the 'NO' may be. I’m even scared to suggest a place I feel like going with my mum.

Living life like this sure is torturous. Subconsciously fearing every single damn thing. My virtual ‘shrink’ whom I barely know asked me, “What are you scared of?” And at that point in time, I didn't know what I was scared of but I feel it every single day.


Then he said:
How do you face a fear that you feel and yet not know what it is?


I guess my biggest fear is actually REJECTION. I mutilated that fear into something that limits me every single day. Apparently, I managed to just make that fear my own worst living nightmare. Funny~ So maybe now I should just have millions of rejection thrown at my face.

By then, let’s see how much rejection I can take without breaking apart…….

This Too Will Come To Pass

Like all things, one day all of this will come to pass. How I long for the day when I can look back at this and just feel nothing. It is a luxury to not have the sense of feelings especially when disappointments are here to stay for awhile.

Will ignoring the disappointments, help?
Will walking away from all of this, help?
Will leaving everything I thought I knew, help?
Will shutting everyone out and keeping myself in, help?

Because sure as hell, I just feel like staying in and find myself again....
That is if I even remember who I really am anymore....

The Reason, The Season & The Lifetime

When someone is in your life for a REASON… It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the REASON you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent has been answered. And now is it time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON… because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a SEASON.

LIFETIME relationship teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

So who in your life are there for a reason, the season and a lifetime?

Hiatus

It's been 3 months since the last time I've blogged. At that point in time, I really thought of throwing this blog away because I just didn't know what else I should do with it. Blogging to me is just seasonal. It is now even less than a hobby to me. Maybe cause I came to realize it has brought me a lot of crap. In the 3 months that I've stopped, I have come to learn a lot of shit and crap. I guess this is my way of maturing. Learning everything the hard way. Trust me.. it was f-ing hard! Pardon my french~ There's nothing much to expect from here though. I'm dry out of ideas nor the patience to say anything much. I'll write when I want to or when I feel like it. This has become just a place for me to get away and say my thoughts. So, please do dispose after reading.

Thank you.