Band Idol

I know, I was not suppose to be there. I was suppose to be home studying but unfortunately my brother bought a ticket and didn't want to go so I had to take his place. Normally I wouldn't mind but I've grown out of these things where St Teresa girls would come over to St Joseph for this type of social gatherings.

Yesh, they were tonnes of them at least half the audience were made of St Teresa girls and the boys, they just love the view. I didn't meet anyone from my year so I ended up sitting at the back alone with everyone being so noisy. The girls and boys could barely shut up. I guess they paid only to spend time with the opposite sex. Luckily, Aaron Chan came and sat with me, keeping me company for some time and even gave me a can of drink. Such a nice boy.

I actually sat and watch the whole thing. Haaha.. There was two category, solo and ensemble. Judges makes the decision but there is a popularity prize which is through voting of the audience. The ensemble, the best was 'The Painkillers' because they are percussion. Everyone loves the beats especially young people. Sides, their costume was so outstanding with hair-coloured gel on wearing medical face mask on.

I had fun watching and they had guest performers by Just Friends and Evenstar. Just Friends are students from IMH. They played two songs which I thought was very professionally done. They make a good jazz band. Adrian sure can sing but his skill on the trumpet he still have to work on. Marvin as usual is perfect on the piano. Sam on the drums, hitting away. The Taiwanese guy on the base, I didn't really like.. He would do well if it was a cello. HEhehe.. David Jacques was the sound technician guy at the back. Poor thing~ He's a musician in actual fact. I forgot to mention, I know them. Used to talk to them often when I was in IMH. I think they would go far. Just need more exposure and practice.

Evenstar performed four songs with Silas moving his hands a lot. I've always heard of them and one of them is Michael's cousin but I've always miss their performance at the 'Teenage Band Quest' or those rock band competition. They normally perform as guest performance of those competition at the very end which I never can stay til that long. But since last night, my mum and brother came up to watch the last bit, I got a chance to actually watch them. They performed their songs unplugged. I thought it was great. The 3 malay songs was nice like Indonesian style and the last english song was a great end.

At the end, the results of the band idol came out and David Ling and Winston won first place while Sean Wong won third place. Weird, two person winning first place, I know. For the ensemble category, obviously 'The Painkillers' won. Without a doubt. They also won the popularity prize. The school band played the two last songs, 'That Thing You Do' and 'Can't Take My Eyes of You' which all the boys were singing at the back. At the very end, the school band played the school anthem. So all Josephians had to stand up at sing.

After that my mum, brother and I went to eat roti canai near our house. First time in a long time we went out for supper. Only trouble was my stomach started to ache again. Ever since my bad case of stomach ache on Wednesday, my stomach hasn't been the same again. Everytime I finish eating, I feel sick in the stomach either that or I would have a hard time breathing with chest pains. Only after I fall asleep and wake up then the pain would go away. I've been doing that a lot in Sarawak Club library. Sleeping on the desk. At 2pm, I'm sure sleeping there. While Feli and Leo would study or read magazine from time to time.

Studying the library beats staying home. Too much temptations at home. Computer, TV and my bed. So studying at the library is a bit better. Anyways, I have to go now. Gotta get ready to follow mum to Sarawak Club again. I've been going there everyday this week. Hopefully, I'm not going there tomorrow but that would be up to my mum to decide. Gotta go.

Take cAre and God Bless.

yomI

David Gray

Artist: David Gray

Album: Life in Slow Motion

Song: Disappearing World
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Slowly the truth is loading

I'm weighted down with love

Snow lying deep and even

Strung out and dreaming of

Night falling on the city

Quite something to behold

Don’t it just look so pretty

This disappearing world

We’re threading hope like fire

Down through the desperate blood

Down through the trailing wire

Into the leafless wood

Night falling on the city

Quite something to behold

Don’t it just look so pretty

This disappearing world

This disappearing world

I'll be sticking right there with it

I'll be by your side

Sailing like a silver bullet

Hit ‘em ‘tween the eyes

Through the smoke and rising water

Cross the great divide

Baby till it all feels right

Night falling on the city

Sparkling red and gold

Don’t it just look so pretty

This disappearing world

This disappearing world

This disappearing world

This disappearing world

I think he's great~! Smallville uses some of his songs in some of the series which fits the scene perfectly like the last scene in Clark's loft Episode 3, Season 5. As boring as he gets, its the nice type of boring. Something new for a change. That way I can have a change of music to my collection which is getting boring to me pretty soon. Talk about listening to songs you like til you hate it. HAhahaha..

Gotta, bye.

yomI

Butterfly Fly Away

Bye bye, butterfly.

Butterfly now so big.

Butterfly go make friends with other butterflies.

Butterfly don't need me anymore.

Look, butterfly found same species.

Butterfly now has many other butterflies.

Butterfly be nice to other butterflies.

Butterfly don't forget me.

Butterfly see nice frawer.

Butterfly fly to nice frawer.

Butterfly happy.

Butterfly don't forget me.

What Will You Do?

If you were me. Tell me what will do when;

• You feel so horrible at the moment and you look for the one person whom you trust the most but that one person turns around and made it worse for you by making your worse nightmare come true.
• That one person who once made you laugh and was always by your side suddenly becomes the one person who makes you just want to breakdown and cry.
• You know that even if you were to pretend that nothing happened, you'd still have that sour, bitter feeling there some where inside.
• All you want to do is break off and walk away but knowing that you would in the end loose a friend who was once so dear to you.
• You just wish you could turn back time and make everything right again.

Stupid time to be thinking of such things, I know since exam is just around the corner. Oh well, sad sad me just have to handle it myself then. Nevermind................................................................................

I HATE LOVE

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I HATE LOVE.

Last Day of School

So it was the last day of school yesterday. It didn't start out that well since it was from the moment I wake up that I just didn't feel right. Anyways, got to school. Luckily on the last day of school I was early enough to not be late since the whole week I've been late so many times. Met Jason on the way. I must admit I was being sarcastic to him. For that I apologize. Thinking back, it should not the be case since it was the last day of school.

Got to class, everyone was busy signing cards for teachers. Pn. Nik, Pn. Lye, Miss Mah, Mdm. June and Pn. Noryana. Took a couple of pictures with a few people. Fadzilla was jumping around wanting to take picture. Sandra and Lilian too. Our class was like the last to arrive in the stadium. Everyone else was seated down.

And so the assembly began. Sang 'Negaraku'. Heck, I actually sang it for once since I figure it would be the last time I do it in school. Lots and lots of speeches. Mr. Pan's speech was blur and long. I was going up and down the steps asking people to sign the school magazines. Talk about last minute. =P

I didn't see Elder kiss Bernard. DARN!! Ratchell should have took a picture of it. Elder asked Ratchell to sign his magazine and Bernard was laughing. So Ratchell said she would only sign if Elder kiss Bernard. Elder actually did. From what I heard, Bernard was avoiding but Elder managed to. Poor Bernard. Victimized. Who could have think, Elder would kiss a guy to get a girl's signature. Gosh...

Anyways, prize giving. Am proud of those who got the awards. James Sim went to get awards like almost for every science subject except biology. Gangster look-a-like Ian went to take his awards quite a few times. Too bad ain't me. Oh well, I'm not that clever.

After the assembly we all went back to class. Everyone taking pictures, signing magazines, taking report on results for mock. A few minutes later, everyone was out of the class. I guess our class was quite fast with saying our goodbyes. Haha.. More like we are gonna see each other during Pn. June special extra classes during study leave.

Class 5B got their 3rd spot check this week. That's a record. 3 days in a row. The day before they were held outside for almost half an hour or more. They were made to sit outside on the corridor. We could see them from our class. At one point, we could see Ignatius taking pictures of the students who were at the bars as if they were prisoners. Crazy people. Funny enough, the prefects allowed them to. I bet the body check was even worse.

I was already feeling not to good by 9.40 am. The sun was up, hot. Everyone seemed so joyful and happy saying goodbyes. Totally the opposite for me. I didn't feel like saying goodbye. I only felt fear for STPM. The last day of school, makes it more obvious that STPM is coming. I'm terrified of it. Mike brought me to breakfast at McDonald's in Bormill Estate.

After breakfast, we walked pass art & deco shop. I love authentic furnitures. Next was a pet shop. We stared at the cats. They looked so furry and fat. Then there was a bridal shop. I was saying, ''Nice dresses''. Mike suddenly said, "Wanna get married?" I laughed so badly and asked, "Do you know what you are asking?" Then he started laughing.

Lucky, I'm only 19 and I can still laugh at this. If I was 27, I would think he was serious but I would want a proper proposal. The whole candle light, romantic dinner. A little over-rated and common? Blame it on the romance movies I watch. Well, when the time comes worry then. Hahaha.. Guys, never joke about these things to girls or ladies. Talking about marriage is easy but getting down to doing it would take more than talking.

At least that crazy 'proposal' made me laugh. He then sent me home. I cried on the way home. Thinking how much I would miss the people I know, bugging Julian and getting bugged by him, Fadzilla who is Mawi's number 1 fan, Kevin with his crazy & witty remarks, Milton and his big happy smile that makes everyone smile too, Dean with his many advice which at least do make a few sense, Jason who gets over his own head about a girl he likes, Sean & Julian trying to help Jason, Kulow looking smart in even his school uniform, Yew King and his 'business', Brendan Chin whom I would always shout 'Ah Chin' to. There is just too many to go through all.

I know that throughout these two years in St Joseph, I've been more involved in the school more than I have when I was in St. Teresa. I guess its because girls are the minority in St. Joseph and the probability of being pick to do something is big. All the crazy activities and prefect duty. The Wednesdays we have lunch at Spring Cafe before Chem Extra Class. The first Friday masses. The 'fights' I have with Sean. The days when I visit the clinic so much. The days my muscles ache after my dancing class and getting free leg massage at school. The day I slipped and fell on my head while fighting with Sean. I felt like a Queen but a Queen in pain while Jason, Julian and Sean put ice on my head, elbow and back.

All those days are in the past now. They will only be memories. Memories I know I would treasure. Hopefully, everyone will keep in touch even if going overseas. There's thing called the email and snail mail. Not forgetting friendster and blogs. So I guess that's all from me for now.

I just wanna say that I WOULD MISS EVERYONE who has made going to school a fun and happy place to be since studying is normally not that fun.

SayonaRA. Gambatte-yo!!

Good Luck! STudy HArD~

Hope to see all of you again, one day!

yomI

Jealousy

Almost everyone experiences a visit from jealousy, the nasty green-eyed monster, at some point in our lives. Either it's over a best friend's career success or a gorgeous person flirting with their loved one. We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion, but it is actually a mixture of a whole bunch of feelings. It can manifest itself as sadness, hurt, anxiety, fear, loneliness, paranoia, self-doubt, anger, and even extreme rage.

While we can't necessarily stop this visit from jealousy from time to time, we can control how we choose to act when it hits. When it consumes our thoughts or triggers behavior that can harm relationships or another person, that's when jealousy is truly a monster.

For every jealous feeling there is an emotion lurking behind that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Jealousy is just the finger pointing at the fears that we are afraid to face. More often than not, the culprit is a feeling of low self-worth and a fear that we are not good enough to hold on to the things that mean to us.

The law of love constrains us to rejoice rather than to be distressed at the good fortune of our neighbour. The envious man tortures himself without cause, morbidly holding as he does, the success of another to constitute an evil for himself. Jealousy is most evil when one repines at another's spiritual good. It is then said to be a sin. In its intense forms, it is a horrible, tormenting obsession.

Jealousy involves having something highly valued and losing it to the competition that hurts, angers, and shames us. Even if you try to bury your jealousy and never verbalize it to anyone, you have to realize that you are building walls and separation between you and other people until you deal with it and heal what's underneath.

Just to straighten things out:

• Jealousy is experienced when something you have is taken away or is threatened by someone else.
  
• Envy is when you do not measure up to someone else or you very much want something someone else has.
  
• Rivalry is when no one yet possesses the thing you desire and there is keen competition for the desired goal.

So which of this is the one actually bugging you? The best solution to overcoming any of this is getting away from it. Find other things to amuse yourself. Self-indulge yourself in things you like doing. If you are not meant to have something, then it is meant to be like that.

Don't try to force things to happen. Things happen for a reason somehow. There is a whole wide world out there. No point staying back in the past tormenting yourself because that will not get you anywhere but in your own selfish obsession. Imagine how much time and energy you spend on being jealous when all you have to do is find something new and refreshing and by then you'll be saying "Jealousy who?" =P

It does take sometime getting use to but you'll find that in the end, its just one of those days when things just don't go the way you want it to. If you were given everything you wanted so easily, you'll never appreciate what you have. So there is something good out of this but jealousy can cause insanity and possessive of things or persons. So watch out for the green-eyed monster.

~ In jealousy there is more self-love than love~

Busy Busy Busy

I know I am suppose to be busy but what am I doing here? OH well, I can't bloody stay away from the computer unless I'm not home. As my mum always say, "The two boxes are evil." The boxes she refers to is the computer and the tv. Here I am at 2am in the morning bloggging when I should be sleeping. I feel too happy to sleep. I sound crazy, don't I?

That's not all, 2 hours ago I was twirlling around like a ballerina listening to chamber music. My brother even said that I'm going nuts. Well, not so much as going that nuts but I suddenly just felt like a ballerina and just for the fun of it from the kitchen to the living room. I've always wanted to have ballet lessons since I was young but never got down to doing it. I bet I ain't that flexible as I was 10 years ago. I'm growing old... most of my bone aches everyday but recently they don't ache that much because my mum bought me a pair of sandals made in Vietnam which treats rheumatism and massages your foot. So COOL!~! HEHE

About me feeling happy... it maybe from the movie I watched or the chamber music that my brother puts on everytime he's on the computer. I find myself smiling when I watch a movie and think how nice or wonderful how the movie goes. Sometimes when I fall asleep on the couch and wakes up to my dad watching the korean series on TV2 around 6pm. I'll sit up and watch along for a few minutes and funnily I manage to smile and then get up to do whatever that I was suppose to do. The feeling of waking up and being able to smile is really great. It kinda makes your day. I've seen days when I dread the minute I have to get up and the feeling gets worse when you just want to go back to sleep but you can't. Those are bad mood days. =P

I realize today that when I started talking and when I have many things to say, I can go on and on til I taste blood in my mouth. That is the after effect of talking and laughing too much plus lack of water. I should minimize the amount of words that comes out of my mouth and put more effort into absorbing infos from books!!! I really need a freaking lot of memory space for my head or rather a vacuum cleaner so I can suck in everything from the book and maybe pass my STPM!! ARGHHHH....

This time next month, I would be a walking nut case trying to cram all books into my head like its the end of the world if I don't. Hm... but it would be the end of the world for me if I don't. GOSH!! WHAT AM I dOING HeRE??!!! I MUST GO NOW. So I just end this here... Remember to stick your head in your books and make sure you understand what you study or at least memorize them if you have to. All the best to EVERYONE sitting for SPM or STPM!!! GOOD LUCK~!~!

Love lots,

yomI

P.S.: Chamber music just makes you feel like flying~!~! I love em' !!!